Preparing for a Doctor’s appointment
A) Putting on shoes when Angus is walking past
Open cupboard door, locate shoes and reach for them.
Close cupboard door.
Persuade Angus to return the slippers, assorted shoes and vacuum cleaner attachment he grabbed in the few seconds the door was open (rookie mistake.)
Throw items back into cupboard and slam door.
Check on Angus’s whereabouts.
Open cupboard door about 3 inches (who am I kidding?), and squeeze your way in to get your shoes.
Find they are missing, so squeeze out of the cupboard to look for them.
Spot Angus running away with said shoes.
Scratch head and wonder how 70 lbs of Labrador was able to get through doorway while you were squeezing through it.
Catch Angus and retrieve shoes.
Sit down and remove slippers.
Catch Angus and retrieve slippers and scarf (where did THAT come from?)
Debate whether returning scarf to cupboard is worth the aggro.
Sit on scarf instead, making sure to leave no trailing ends….. Dammit!
Retrieve scarf, bundle it into a ball and stuff inside jumper, while standing on shoes and slippers.
Quickly grab one shoe while performing a tricky and precarious heel-and-toe movement to secure other shoe.
Quickly ram foot into shoe whilst slamming foot down onto slipper. YES!
Reflect on how well that went until you see Angus making off with the scarf, your handkerchief and the car keys.
Pick up slippers and remaining shoe, and limp off after Angus to retrieve hankie, keys and scarf (did I mention that it’s Barbara’s best silk scarf? Frankly, by this stage, who cares?)
Trip over untied shoelace and crack head on stairs.
Stumble back to seat.
Place shod foot on one slipper and unshod foot on other shoe and slipper.
Tie shoelace whilst Angus licks out your inner ear canal.
Sigh and retie shoelace after Angus has pulled it undone.
Pull trouser leg down to cover shoelace.
Realise the Doctor’s appointment you are meant to be going to, starts in 2 minutes and it’s a 5 minute drive.
Throw the slippers and the scarf in different directions and, while Angus is distracted, fling open cupboard door, jump in and slam door behind you so you can put your shoes on without the benefit of his assistance.
Realise it’s pitch black because you forgot to turn the light on.
Reach for handle to get out of cupboard.
Remember that putting an internal handle on this door has been on your “To Do” list for several months.
Bang loudly on door and then recall that elderly FIL is listening to the TV at a volume to make your ears bleed, while Barbara is at far end of garden.
Realise, with sudden horror, that Angus is the other side of the door with unfettered access to everything and that, in chasing him around to retrieve items, the door to the rest of the house has been left open.
Reach for mobile phone in the inside pocket of the jacket that’s….. hanging on the banisters (allegedly.)
Slide down wall and hold head in hands thinking how deeply in trouble you are.
Sit up in surprise as Angus’s tongue investigates your other ear canal.
B) Putting on shoes when cat is walking past.
Remove slippers.
Put shoes on.
Put slippers in cupboard.
Arrive for Doctor’s appointment 30 minutes early.
