Assistance Dog Training

My assistance dog training is coming along nicely but like all students I am keeping my options open by following a broad-based curriculum before I decide where to specialise.

The Washing

This one is pretty much in the bag. Mum puts the washing in and I take it out.  For some reason though I am told that it would be best if I let the washing machine intervene with a wash cycle before I take it out.  Well I just don’t see the point of using all that electricity when all that happens is the washing comes out twisted and damp.  I can achieve exactly the same result by taking it outside in the rain.

The Cupboards

Or, as I prefer to call them, the Aladdin’s Caves.  Basically the technique is to be on the alert for someone opening a cupboard and then to dart in and grab what I think they might need.  My most recent treasure was a tube of extra strong mints.  Dad said that a) the term ‘assistance dog’ means helping others, not helping yourself but b) a tube of extra strong mints would give me nice minty fresh as opposed to Labrador killer breath; so in a way I was helping others.

Every week a person in a van arrives with crate loads of things to put in the cupboards.  I get banished to my crate whilst this exciting task is going on, when I could be so helpful unpacking the crates.

The Fridge

Same basic technique as the cupboards – smash and grab.  I must have a word with M & D though because the best I’ve managed to come away with so far is a cucumber (and very nice too as it was homegrown) but the really  good stuff like the cold meats are on the higher shelves.  I think they could be a little more accommodating and move the corned beef within reach. I loooove corned beef.  It’s what Labradors like the best.

Helping with the Cleaning

This is a new skill I am developing now that I am being allowed greater access to the whole house.  My self-appointed task is to remove small objects from various surfaces so that the surface can be dusted.  M & D says that’s all well and good, but when there’s no actual dusting going on it’s a pain in the ears.  I’m sure that’s what they said. [Editor’s note:  You have all the right letters Angus, just not in the right order].

But the process has its downsides.  One of the things I moved was a sort of candle that they call a tea light?  It tasted quite nice in a waxy sort of way.  M & D managed to get it off me before I could eat it all.  Dad said it was just as well otherwise we would have had to add a new verse to the ‘Labrador’s Lament’ that  I told you about in my previous post.

Mum and Dad had to be quick
To stop me eating the candle wick
It seems it would have made me sick
Dad says I am sometimes so thick

(I don’t know who crossed that word out but I have my suspicions)

Gardening

I’m refining my technique and have decided that rather than pulling up everything I can get hold of, my skills are better deployed in testing the hardiness of plants, especially those in pots.  As I’m sure you will appreciate, hardiness is very important in the harsher climate of the north of England. I have developed two “Patented Angus’ Hardiness Tests.”  The first is to charge through the plants like a bull elephant while the second consists mainly of lying on them.  So far very few plants have passed the test, which is odd because M & D say that previously they had survived very well.

Geology

Dad says this one is a rather niche skill and there aren’t many vacancies for Geology Assistance Dogs but I disagree.  On field expeditions the geologists could stay in their tents while I present them with a series of rocks, in much the same way as I present bits of stone from the garden to Mum, in the kitchen.  These stones are, in fact, my greatest treasures. They are what Labradors like the best.

Angus