Dateline:
Wednesday 31st Jan 2018 08:50 GMT
Venue:
Orchard House Vets (Clandestine HQ of Klutzarruss)
Status Report:
Arrived at rendezvous as planned. Met with my contact, codename “Vetznurshki” who took me into the inner room where the operations are masterminded.
Excited to learn that my mission will be to collect secret intelligence about the effects of logging operations in the Amazon Rain Forest. I think that’s what they meant – they were in deep discussion about something being removed in the nether regions. This covert operation required the fitting of some hi-tech wearable comms equipment that is so classified that it was necessary for me to be sedated before it was fitted. I have heard that it is customary for such sedation to be administered using a sharpened umbrella but as we were in HQ a hypodermic could be used. They’re saving the umbrella for a rainy day.
Don’t remember anything of what passed.
Afterwards they issued me with an Operating Network Equipment Signal Intercept Environmental suit (known as a O.N.E.S.I.E.) but it proved too unpleasant to wear so we had to revert to the slightly less covert radar dish. But it’s OK, I am being deployed in tropical South America and I will blend seamlessly into the background. My camouflage is so effective that even Sir David Attenborough won’t be able to tell the difference.
Apparently this device is also effective against a rarely seen relic of the Jurassic era and will protect me against the adverse effects of the “Lickyoursorearse.”
Angus
These posts always make me chuckle, thank you! Xx