It’s high time for another update. Let’s get straight to it.
Small Person Version 2.0
After last week’s exciting meeting with a small person I repeated the experience at the weekend with a bigger small person, or it may have been a smaller big person, I’m not sure. His name is Jacob and he’s Douglas’s special big brother. I like him too, especially as he comes with shoes!
Aren’t shoes the best thing ever? Oh the smell! Oh the taste!! So I have learned to be on the lookout for them at every opportunity, and Jacob seems to give me lots more opportunities. There’s nothing to compare with getting a long Labrador snout deep inside a shoe. Mmm… They’re what Labradors like the best.
I have been training Jacob not to leave his shoes around by attacking his toes when he’s shoe-less. If there’s one thing better than shoes it’s toes. They’re brilliant – they’re what Labradors like the best. [Editor’s note: The list of “Things that Labrador’s like the best” is getting longer by the day.]
Visit to the Vet Version 2.0
Well I’ve only been there twice but each time she’s stuck a needle in me. I was very brave and didn’t flinch although I’ll swear I heard Dad mutter something under his breath about where’s there’s no sense there’s no feeling. I shall treat that remark with the disdain it deserves. We Labradors are very good at showing disdain, although it’s usually reserved for those moments when we are given dog food when we were expecting chocolate cake. [Editor’s note: In your dreams!]
Training People
A few days later we decided that it was safe for me to go out and start training people how to behave in my presence. We decided to start with a safe experiment at a place where there weren’t too many other dogs around to distract people from me. We went to the hospital entrance to see if we could rustle up a few adoring fans.
And, Oh dear me! have I got some work to do because the behaviour of the people was quite disgraceful! Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful!
Some were very well behaved and walked past without becoming distracted but others (mostly female) just fell to pieces, came running over and slobbered all over me. Appalling behaviour, although I did get used to it in the end. But, and this is a common problem with the humans I have encountered, they did not have any food!! I mean, what is the point?????
In other training news, I have started teaching Dad how to walk to heel. Basically this consists of getting him to walk just a little ahead of me so I can see his heel to my right. Then when I look up at him he has to give me a treat. It is, if you’ll pardon the pun, a walk in the park. The difficulty is getting him to realise just how many treats this requires, and that he must prepare for this by loading up the treats bag properly before I begin the session. Again though, I had the distinct impression of words being muttered under his breath. I didn’t catch it all but I am sure I heard the words “lard” and “arse” in there somewhere, whatever they may mean!
Angus
