No pain? No Gain

This is a guest post from “Cat”…  (What’s that……?) Oh, I’m so sorry, I did of course mean  “Our Supreme Leader.”

I may have underestimated my human slaves’ intelligence – it would seem they are more perceptive than I had previously given them credit.  They describe “dog” or, as I prefer to call it “cretin” as a “24 hour goldfish.”

Each day it believes that I will “play” with it.  Each day, I am “forced” to disabuse it of this absurd notion.  And so I sit, while it prances and crouches, and attempts to engage with me.  It is, as lowly humans are known to say, “No skin off my nose,” but it frequently is, off his.

It retires to a safe place.  Bleeding.  Again.

Later, on the stroke of midnight, its memory will be erased, like Cinderella’s coach and horses.  Obviously it is incumbent on me to re-apply the lesson the following day.  It requires little effort on my part and gives me. great ….. pleasure. I shall continue, hoping that the lesson never sinks in. ?

Meanwhile I have numerous other opportunities to reinforce my authority.  For instance, I see it stands at its water bowl.   I shall pace slowly and menacingly over and drink from the bowl.  You need to understand,  you humans of limited intelligence, that I have no present need of water, and this is merely the exercise of omnipotence.  Thus, I shall take few leisurely sips and, after some moments of reflection, groom myself, casually, as if there were all the unending time of my universe spread before us, before partaking of a few more sips.

Cretin is obviously demonstrating signs of awe, wonder, horror and disbelief.  Good; this is the natural order of things.

You may be aware that “dog” is of the species canis lupus familiaris.  In fact I have assigned cretin to the subspecies  canis moronicus ridikulus. I shall say no more on the subject.

My work here is done, at least for today.  Now I shall debride my claws on the post I had my human slaves place next to the cretin’s bed earlier.  This will allow me to strike terror into its heart, and prepare for my next pastime.

“Female slave, where are you?”  Ah, she resides in the room with soft thrones.

I shall lay on your lap and test the thickness of your clothing with my claws.  You  will apply tummy rubs when required.  When I have had sufficient, I shall inform you by the drawing of blood.  Yours.

Cat

 

 

 

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