The Peasant is Revolting

This is a guest post by the supreme master of the universe.  The peasant that is dog, is so lacking in mental faculties that he simply knows me as …

CAT

da da DAH

Come on you stupid human, keep up with my dictation, it’s nearly time that I require you to feed me again.

Once again today the cretin tried to engage me in recreational pursuits.  He pounced around on the floor, dropping into what I believe is called the play stance and dared to offer me his stuffed toy.  For God’s (that would be my) sake, it’s bad enough when dog does it.  Oh, no wait, it is dog.  Frankly the difference between dog and man is hardly noticeable, except they both need to learn their place.  I suppose at least the offering was a feeble attempt to recognise my deity.

However, these pathetic attempts to engage with me are risible.  Oh,…. wait…. I need to go and attend to something important……

<silently he leaves>

 

 

<and, just as silently, he returns>

…… that’s better.  It was lying on the floor next to the kitchen door and it was necessary for me to walk slowly back and forth six inches from its nose while its eyes bulged and it shrank back in abject terror.  All is well with the world.

As I was saying about this thing it calls play.  I shall bide my time but revenge will… be… MINE. As it shall learn, revenge is a dish best served cold although, perhaps with a side serving of blood.

I am bored with this.  Human?  I require that you feed me, NOW!

 

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